


Una Pioggia Scarlatta

by serapheim



Series: 30 Kisses [9]
Category: DBSK|Tohoshinki|TVXQ, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Blood, Fighting, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Jaejoong is a saint, Love/Hate, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Rain, Revelations, Sex, Sexual Relationship, Sleeping with other people, Unrequited Love, Yoochun is fucked up, fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-05-27
Packaged: 2017-12-13 04:54:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serapheim/pseuds/serapheim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They just sleep with each other. No strings. Or so Yoochun thinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Una Pioggia Scarlatta

**Author's Note:**

> 30_kisses challenge; theme #21; violence. First POV. The title is written in Italian and means “scarlet rain”. For some reason this is one of my favourite stories, I have written. Love angst!

Layer after layer after layer.

And little did it have to do with the feverish beating of my stubborn heart. It was neither fear nor anticipation, as one might have thought, but something I could have never learned to control.

Amidst the crowds of people, which used to bring up the unpleasant feeling of suffocation, wrapped up in the mist of cigarette smoke, I never had a carving for, I felt unusually calm and clear-minded.

Opposed to the expected, my mind didn’t resent the idea of total submission, although that was what currently was happening to my body. It felt as if it had to be done, as if my whole life I had known that it was what was going to wait for me in the end of the path I had chosen. As if it had always been my destiny.

My mind was lazily going over and over the same facts: he doesn’t cares, I am nothing to him. My arms tightened around the man, I knew nothing about, my body seeking for a release that was not meant.

I made myself believe that I was in control.  
  
*****  
  
 _No strings._  
   
It sounded so simple in the beginning. But they were deluding themselves. Every action has an impact on the course of events. And it had much to do with physics and very little with love.

_Not a word._

It was hard to keep their relationship a secret, when he made it a habit to sneak into other’s bedroom and then walk out together in the morning. When they could disappear somewhere amidst a party under a false excuse and then return rumpled and reeking of sex.

_No expectations._

It meant nothing. It changed nothing. They could do without it. It was all about the mutual benefit, really. They had nothing to discuss. They knew what they were doing.

_No obligations._

  
It was kind of strange, but instead of getting closer it seemed as if that thing that was between them made them grow apart. They rarely talked to each other, unless it was needed, and they never talked in the bedroom. Sex didn’t make them gentle or sensitive to each other’s needs. They seemed to be constantly pissed off with each other, too often yelling, never touching. And if touch they did, a spark would fly sending them apart immediately.  
  
*****  
  
“What is he to you?”

A soft whispered question, a pair of dark eyes. Changmin. I always thought that he was the smartest of us all, the most observant one. He was the first to notice the change in our relationship. On the other hand, you had to be blind not to notice. Or maybe he was just the most courageous one.

I turned to look at the dark haired boy in question. He was half turned away from me, but from his tense pose I could guess that he was listening. I didn’t know why it was so important to him. He never asked me, never questioned what was between us or the reasons behind it.

“Yoochun?”

I turned back to the boy who was regarding me with a concerned look. I smiled at him and, flicking the ash off my cigarette, said: “We just fuck.”

I had no reason to lie.

I think I heard Jaejoong erupt in a bitter laughter.

He had none either.  
   
*****  
   
Two bodies were moving in tandem. They knew each other too well, were familiar with each other’s preferences. They needed no words to express what each of them wanted. They learned the rules of the dance long ago.

The peak was reached, and they lied there, panting from exertion. But all too soon after the bliss the reality dawned on them, making one of them roll off the bed and search for his clothes.

Backs to each other, avoiding eye contact as if it could make it less real, one of them left and the other remained on the bed, faking sleep.

They knew the rules all too well.  
   
*****  
   
It was past midnight, and he hadn’t come back yet. I didn’t know where he had gone and if he would return. It was raining heavily, and I felt a bit stupid standing outside, an umbrella’s handle gripped, peering into the darkness, waiting for him to return. But I couldn’t make myself go back into the house. I had to know if he would return. I had to know if I had driven him to escape in the first place.

A dark figure appeared moving closer to the place where I stood. My heart was already leaping out of the chest from joy and I was going through a possible range of questions, when the man stepped into the only source of light coming from a lonely lamppost, finally making it possible to see his face. The words froze on my lips.

Yunho stared at me. He wore a cap, which made it impossible to recognize him at first; he had no umbrella and was soaked through. It didn’t prevent him from stopping and actually looking at me in question.

“What are you doing outside?”

_I wish I knew it myself._

I tried to make it look as if it was perfectly normal for a person to stand under the rain at one o’clock in the morning.

“Nothing.”

Yunho just arched an eyebrow at me. It was obvious that he couldn’t decide if he should press on to hear the truth or just let it slip. Finally he just shrugged and made it to go past me and enter the house. Just when he was passing me, he said: “If you are waiting for Jaejoong, I don’t think he is going to come back.”

Before he could finish, my hand was already grabbing his arm, stopping him in his walk.

_Is it all in vain?_

“What do you know?”  
   
“I know nothing”, Yunho sounded terse and tired. He made a move to free himself, but my fingers gripped tighter, not letting go.

“What does it mean?”

I had to know. Suddenly it all became so important.

His eyes burned with an unexpected anger as he hissed the words into my face: “If he still has some kind of pride left, he would never return to the jerk like you!”

Now I was grabbing the front of his drenched coat with both of my hands, the umbrella tossed away and forgotten.

“What the fuck does that mean?!”

We were yelling at each other.

“Are you blind?! You treat him worse than a whore and expect him to return to you?!”

I froze.

The rain was soaking my clothes, making them cling to my body. It crawled in my hair and ran down my face. But I could hardly feel any of it.

“I.. don’t..”

A blow came unexpected. It sent me down to my knees, my head spinning and my mind dazed. Over the ringing in my head I could hear Yunho’s words and retreating steps: “If you cared,

you would have ended it all long ago.”

For a moment there was nothing but the rain around me. My jaw hurt, and I could taste blood on my tongue. I knew I deserved it. That and much more. Because he was right and I had been blind from the very beginning.

“Yoochun?”

I almost missed it, almost thought it was a rustle of the rain. I raised my head and saw Jaejoong standing few feet away from me, his face pale and unreadable.  
   
 _I don’t know him at all._

It took some effort to rise to my feet. He made no move. He just stood there, letting the rain embrace him. Approaching him I took notice of his tight pressed lips and wary look of his eyes.

We were as good as strangers. I wish I knew when I had gone the wrong way.

The skin of his bare arms felt cold to my fingers, his lips were hard and uninviting as I pressed my mouth to his. I leaned back, leaving his mouth smeared with the blood from my split lip. I looked into his eyes, searching for some kind of emotion. I knew that he cared. He had to. But he remained silent.

I could smell another man on him, as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders clinging to him, burying my face in his shirt. “I am glad you are back” - was all I could whisper to him. And his hands on my back, returning the hug were much better than any words of forgiveness.

“Don’t go. Ever”, I could feel the tears run down my face, mingling with rain and blood.

“I won’t.”

And it sounded like a confession.  
   
//  
   
 _Written: May 9, 2006_  
 _Revised: May 27, 2013_


End file.
